In the Birmingham Mail, George Tyndale recently blasted the Frankfurt market for causing “vacant- eyed office girls giggling like banshees” and “lairy lads stumbling around loutishly”. Well, we don’t think that’s fair; since when have Brummies waited for Christmas to act like that? But if an annual stuffing of strudel and stollen simply isn’t enough, take a little wander off the beaten strasse and you’ll find it every day.
When your word for citizen is Burger, you’re clearly all about the meat. Add a commodious pile of potatoes, a mountainous side of creamed veg and a smothering of rich gloopy sauce, and your German meal is all set. For dessert, yes there is more, it’s all finished off with a slab of gateau roughly the size of Devon.
Joking apart, it’s remarkable how the Germans’ homely, comforting, Sunday-afternoon-at- grandma’s cuisine isn’t more famous; you just wanna eat it, and eat it, and eat it. But hey, the less anyone else knows about it, the more that leaves for us.
Franzls Restaurant, Smethwick – franzls.co.uk
Austrian-English husband’n’wife team Adolf & Valerie (guess who’s from where) have cultivated fans of Germanic cooking since 1980. Open Thursday to Saturday evenings, advance booking is a must for big dinners, plentiful schnapps and copious Gemütlichkeit.
The German Café, Shirley – thegermancafe.co.uk
No army marches well on an empty stomach, and they wouldn’t have to if Andrea at The German Café had her way; after filling your tank here, you’re ready for the world. The big breakfasts and lunches served every day will leave you hungry for nothing, not even power.
Sytner Mini, Birmingham – sytnermini.co.uk
The quintessential German motoring rush! From Europe’s cutest little country, the mini is as dinky as the Deutsch are demure and proudly displays the national characteristics of fun, spontaneity and breaking all the rules. Why didn’t England think of it first?